Growing in God

It still amazes me the way that God works. His ways are in no way my ways and his timing is definitely not on my time schedule. I have been waiting for the funding to purchase my farm from the FSA. sometimes I do not know if the seller will wait any longer and they may sell it to somone else. so the waiting has been difficult for me. many a days I have felt like giving up, like nothing would ever go right, and that no one else has to go through this. Many days God has reminded me to keep trusting him, and to lean on his ever strong arms. that no matter what happens he is in control, and nothing can go out of his will. the other day i just felt that I must being doing something wrong that I keep having to wait like this. when I had my prayer time nothing seemed to encourage me to trust in God and so I was having a pretty good pity party when I began to read my daily reading. (I try to read good Christian books usually a chapter a day after my prayer time, if I have the time) I have been rereading Stones of Fire by Isabel Kuhn, when I came across this little jem of truth. "I had been feeling that no one had such heavy trials as I had. But doctor said that everybody has trials and that they are purposely allowed of God that we may develop and grow in our spiritual lives. That was a great help to me, changing my point of view. Even as a limb of the body needs exercise or it will become unusable, so we Christians must have circumstances that cast us upon God or we will never experience the strength of His undergirding arms or the faithfulness of His love toward us." it amazes me that no matter where we are and how alone I feel there are others out there who feel just like me. but what amazes me even more is that we serve a God you loves me so deeply, and yet knows exactly how I feel, and is strong enough to help me. Heb 4:15-1615 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. 16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (from New International Version) It is reassuring to know that I need this stress and strain so that I will grow into the likeness of my savior.

Living and Dying

I cannot beleive that it has been a month since I last wrote! time continues by in a streak of lightning today it is today and the next thing you know another year has slipped its way pass. So much has happend and yet so little really changed. I have been busy and as always getting seamingly nothing done. Today I picked up "The Normel Man" by DR cho and was captivated by a short part about dying with Christ. I was not all that surprised as he related that we died with Christ, but the time of our death was when Christ died (it is all in the past tense) meaning that we have already died! know I know that it sounds good and that yes to a point we did die with Christ, but if that is the case then why does my dead self raise its head up in my life? and that same dead self dosn't act dead! even more clearly the apostle Paul in 1 Cor 15:31 I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.KJV says that he dies daily. I think maybe even though the work is done on the cross that daily we must walk and live that death out in our lives! Not that we didn't die with christ but that we must stay and continue to live in that death that we can then raise and live new in Christ!

Waiting

For the last week i have been waiting for a confirmation for a loan for the place that God has been leading me to buy. it has been truly difficult for me to wait like this. especially today it seems that my life will go different directions depending on this desicion. so i try not to worry and to give it to God but the time in waiting makes it seem harder. I know that God is in control and that his will. will be done. I know that he has god things planned for me but I WANT TO KNOW NOW! I guess it shows a lack of trust that not just is his way right, and good but that his timing is perfect. O that gives peace and calms my soul, and boy i do not want to get ahead of him.

Lord Lord

During my bible reading I was challenged by the words of Christ

Luke 6:46
46 "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and not do what I tell you?RSV

Christ is asking again for me to take a good hard look at my self. I call out Lord Lord but do I do what he tells me to? am I following what God wants of me all the time? do I follow his instructions for life? it is so easy to say that I am a christion but do I really follow him?

Lose it all

The other day we watched "facing the giants" together and I was reminded again the truth about giving my all (maybe I should say convicted) the issue of giving my all for God is something I continually struggle with.

The old "chopping block"

Sunday morning I went to my sisters church and pastor Tanglin was preaching on

Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.KJV

One of the things that I remember is what he said about it being hard to be a living sacrifice because once we get put on the alter and it starts getting we have a way trying to get off of it dead sacrifices just lay there but as living sacrifices when it starts to be to painful we are like I am outta here.

Until we realize the the truth that I can not truly live until I am dead! I will not have anything until I lose that which I hold so vary dear.

Mark 8:34-37
34 And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
35 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it.
36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
37 Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

It says to take up your cross. the cross is not just a pretty trinket but one of the most cruel execution devices ever created. it could be said take up your noose or strap yourself to the electric chair. this reminds me of the time when we butcher chickens and i would take a chicken to the "chopping block" there was no way that the chicken was going to leave with its head. it is the same with me! Caleb cannot live through this but must die. I am beginning to realize that as I struggle to make my life and am getting nowhere i must instead lose it all for Christ, only then will i have a life to live.

Come along and lose it all

Simply trusting

God has been so vary good to me and is blessing me in so many wonderful ways. Yet as I watch still doubt that he is able to get me through the next problem.

Ps 116:77 Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee.KJV

God has been leading me to purchase a place of my own, and all the way along God has graciously reassured me over and over again that I am doing what he wanted me to, and yet it seems so big and scary that it all might fall through there are so many things that could go wrong. So last week I had put an offer in for some land and 37 acres and although the seller had agreed on a price he wanted to do an auction after the closing. Everyone I knew told me that it was not the thing to do I was going to counter his offer with pushing back the closing so he would have time to do his auction before, but I just didn't have a peace about it. The vary day I had signed the offer (I withdrew it latter) I was shown another piece only four miles from the first with 53 acres, it was all ordained of God now it looks like I will get it for less then the one I was looking at before.

God is so vary good to me and yet I doubt him so easily, with the amazing and wonderful way that God is working things out that I should have no problem resting in what he will do and just trust that He will take good care of me. I should but I don't always. You know that God is so patient and takes my trust where it is and loves me. He is always pushing me forward to trust him a just little more.