Why is life seam to always be in such a big hurry all the time. Maybe its not so crazy busy for you but it sure is for me! it seems that the day is just started and it is gone already. I am beginning to read Desiring God by John Piper, as always it is challenging for me. The questions that I end up asking myself are these. Does God satisfy all my desires? Am i content with God and nothing else? Can I trust God with every aspect of my life? Am I motivated by the pleasure of God? The concept that joy should be our motivation in serving God makes perfect sense yet I struggle with putting it into practice. I think I will give you a quote from C.S Lewis from his sermon the "Weight of Glory"

"If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you asked almost any of the great Christians of old he would have replied, love. You see what has happened? a negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this of more then philological importance. the negative ideal of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily securing good things for others, but but going without them ourselves,as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the christian virtue of love. The New Testament has a lot to say about self-denial but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire.

If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the gospels, it would seem that our lord finds our desire not to strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are too easily pleased.

A time to rest

After over six miles of portaging and almost fifty miles all the way around I am not all the way sure that this was really restful but it was a lot of fun

Time is flying

Over the last month so much has happened so vary quickly. It has been truly amazing what God has done He is amazing and completely trust worth. I started renting on may 12 the place that I am buying. a beautiful 53 acre farm. after that life has become a blur of activity. my bees come up on the 16th giving me even more to do. Amos and Noah helped me put the rest of the bees out

later on Amos helped me plant 26 acres of oats.

Esther me paint the inside June 7-11th and that was a lot more work then I had thought that it would be! at the same time a neighbor put horses out on the pasture

And we went to pewts nest and took some pictures

All in all we had a great time together

Budding out

I have been writing a lot about waiting, and trusting. Because I have struggled with the when? and why? of what God has been doing in my life. Slowly I am coming to realize, and understand a little more about the Patience that God desires in my life. It seems so difficult to wait, and sometime I would even despair that God was really working in my life at all.

I thought that if God was really behind this all, He was being quiet cruel, and mean to allow me to believe that He was leading me in a direction only to jerk it out from under me. (like leading an animal with a carrot just out of reach and never letting it get it).

God is doing more then that, He sees a lot more then I can see now, and he knows exactly what I need! My spiritual growth is a whole lot more important to Him, then me getting the "place" that I believe He wants me to have. According to James one I should be rejoicing that I have the privilege to grow in this test, instead of complaining about how difficult it is to trust God.

The Bud

James 1:2-4
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.KJV

I love this verse it often reminds me that the hard times the trying of my faith works patience in my life and that is far more important then what I am waiting and trusting God for.

As spring is coming over us I think that God in his mercy sent trials for a time to strengthen me that when the time is right the bud that is swelling will burst into a beautiful blossom!
That is exactly what God is doing in my life!
The blossom of my soul is beginning to open!

Growing in God

It still amazes me the way that God works. His ways are in no way my ways and his timing is definitely not on my time schedule. I have been waiting for the funding to purchase my farm from the FSA. sometimes I do not know if the seller will wait any longer and they may sell it to somone else. so the waiting has been difficult for me. many a days I have felt like giving up, like nothing would ever go right, and that no one else has to go through this. Many days God has reminded me to keep trusting him, and to lean on his ever strong arms. that no matter what happens he is in control, and nothing can go out of his will. the other day i just felt that I must being doing something wrong that I keep having to wait like this. when I had my prayer time nothing seemed to encourage me to trust in God and so I was having a pretty good pity party when I began to read my daily reading. (I try to read good Christian books usually a chapter a day after my prayer time, if I have the time) I have been rereading Stones of Fire by Isabel Kuhn, when I came across this little jem of truth. "I had been feeling that no one had such heavy trials as I had. But doctor said that everybody has trials and that they are purposely allowed of God that we may develop and grow in our spiritual lives. That was a great help to me, changing my point of view. Even as a limb of the body needs exercise or it will become unusable, so we Christians must have circumstances that cast us upon God or we will never experience the strength of His undergirding arms or the faithfulness of His love toward us." it amazes me that no matter where we are and how alone I feel there are others out there who feel just like me. but what amazes me even more is that we serve a God you loves me so deeply, and yet knows exactly how I feel, and is strong enough to help me. Heb 4:15-1615 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. 16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (from New International Version) It is reassuring to know that I need this stress and strain so that I will grow into the likeness of my savior.

Living and Dying

I cannot beleive that it has been a month since I last wrote! time continues by in a streak of lightning today it is today and the next thing you know another year has slipped its way pass. So much has happend and yet so little really changed. I have been busy and as always getting seamingly nothing done. Today I picked up "The Normel Man" by DR cho and was captivated by a short part about dying with Christ. I was not all that surprised as he related that we died with Christ, but the time of our death was when Christ died (it is all in the past tense) meaning that we have already died! know I know that it sounds good and that yes to a point we did die with Christ, but if that is the case then why does my dead self raise its head up in my life? and that same dead self dosn't act dead! even more clearly the apostle Paul in 1 Cor 15:31 I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.KJV says that he dies daily. I think maybe even though the work is done on the cross that daily we must walk and live that death out in our lives! Not that we didn't die with christ but that we must stay and continue to live in that death that we can then raise and live new in Christ!

Waiting

For the last week i have been waiting for a confirmation for a loan for the place that God has been leading me to buy. it has been truly difficult for me to wait like this. especially today it seems that my life will go different directions depending on this desicion. so i try not to worry and to give it to God but the time in waiting makes it seem harder. I know that God is in control and that his will. will be done. I know that he has god things planned for me but I WANT TO KNOW NOW! I guess it shows a lack of trust that not just is his way right, and good but that his timing is perfect. O that gives peace and calms my soul, and boy i do not want to get ahead of him.